Lana Del Rey

Hey Old man... stop complaing about how much the National Post costs. And you're giving me that condescending smile again. You're uncomfortable around me, you don't get it. Which is OK, neither do I. You're all pissed because you should have fucked a twink like me when you were my age, now you're all washed up and blaming the garabge from yesterday on me; on us. And us is that girl that I'm shivering with in the corner. Did you notice that we were trying to build a home. No of course not because you're shitty. I don't have to look up to you, I put shoes on my feet this morning. Old people like you invented my generation, and we're not really revolting, but let us have it.You should think twice next time you shit.

But anyways I was trying to listen to Lana Del Rey.

A Milli

She was sitting in her broken room. Filled up with all her memories and all the ashes she'd aquired.
She couldn't sell anything she owned and was trying harder than anything to cut loose.
She had a borrowed pack of cigarettes, which was wet now
She couldn't tell you if she was further forward or more backwards than ever before.

She had made a few promises in the recnt weeks and she found it harder to move on,
on to whatever was that those fairies meant,  in her dreams..
Places where kids kick sand at eachother, but laugh instead.

Tonight she'll be working. Tomorrow will be the same.
She'll work herself into a fluster both nights, but fix herself up when she gets home.
Thinking of old injuries and maybe new hopes, never deep enough, she'll let the flicker experience emotion for her.
She'll sleep, experiencing pieces of genius and wonder in those dreams of hers.
When she wakes up she'll love those images, and they'll carry her.

they say these lives of ours aren't worth a dollar, but i'd like to think more.
those shoes you bought yesterday are nice, but that thing you said while you were falling was even nicer.
and i hope you continue to have such thoughts, you're worth a million... I'd say so.

Green Room

I cuddled with a Porn Star and decided I wasn't going to ask her any questions. When she started coughing I tried to call her sexy for trying and it backfired in no way other than I felt silly. She burrowed her cheek into my shoulder and she found herself comfortable. I drifted... where have i been? and what are these places that i continue to find myself in? Shut up a voice said... I kept drifting. I soon was on a unicycle I wasn't scared but I was getting the sense that I recently was and all was ok now. I was thinking about being sick and mad for feeling guilty about being so. I hushed and kept going along whatever little ride my sleep would take me... soon i found myself running from hillbillies, scared to be doing so but always assured that i'd make it out safely. I remember climbing a hill with them chasing after me and the whole time i knew there was plenty of space between us, so I didn't panic. And I climbed until I was somewhere else, somewhere else where an old girlfriend told me how she missed that thing that i used do. Her smells brought me to old homes, and as nostalgia does I thought... I thought about spending a life always worried and refusing parades. I smiled... for the moment I was choosing contention, and life seemed perfect. Not through lust or love, but through something simpler. Helplessness and an understanding that there are only a certain number of couches in a room and you only get the empty spaces. You can look around and nobody ever seems trustworthy, but sometimes they're are people who won't ask. And so we kept sleeping... until someone made us perform.

Assholes

Tell me I'm wrong about everything, even somethings. I'll give you a million reasons and at least an ear full for being right. You kids are too proud, always feeling a need to be so. Always feeling a need to shit on other peoples wedding cakes. First world problems. I don't feel bad that you feel guilty. I don't care to listen to your EP. I often wish there were less people in this world, so I could sit with the with the content. I hate your ambition, and I hate whatever it is you're proud of tonight. I know you'll lose your shit tomorrow and turn your back on everything that made you somewhat anything. Re-invent yourself I could care less. I've got shitheads and porn girlfriends. And they don't make me ashamed and I only cry when I think how guilty you'll make me feel. And yes I've fucked up, a million reasons for shame, and I'm sorry.

Titus Andronicus - Four Score and Seven

(Pt. I)

This is a war we can't win
After 10,000 years, it's still us against them
And my heroes have always died at the end
So who's going to account for these sins?

And I don't know who here is my friend
Well, I'm certain that I've seen only men
Christ, fuck me if I can remember when
Will I never be lonely again?

Well the tides are a-turnin' once more
Six dark-winged devils line up at my door
Each one is more evil than that which came before
Seven angels find me spread across the floor

You'd like everyone to believe you're a star
And I'll admit that it's worked out pretty well so far
But when they see the kind of person that you really are
Then you won't be laughing so hard
No, you won't be laughing so hard!

You won't be laughing so hard

(Pt. II)

"We're all depraved and disgusting" I spew like a fountain,
"And debased, defaced, disgraced and destroyed,
"Most of all disappointed" I say atop this mountain
As I urinate into the void

Fuck I'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce
Would you help me, I'm hungry, I suffer and I starve
Oh I struggle and I stammer 'till I'm up to my ears
In miserable quote unquote awe.

But however since our forefathers came on this land
We've been coddling those we should be running through
Please don't wait around for them to come and shake hands
They're not gonna be waiting for you

'Cause these humans treat humans like humans treat hogs
They get used up, coughed up, and fried in a pan
But I wasn't born to die like a dog,
I was born to die just like a man
I was born to die just like a man!

It's still us against them

And they're winning

When we all used to hang out...

Little girls lost... never returned... grown into woman... forced into the world. Never laughing. Lying in a puddle. What could an ageless wonder be? And when does the grand opening close. They say  the old only trust what they can only be certain of. And the young trust what can't be real. "A dog in a park", you say "life couldn't be better". I'll say it again our moments are better remembered. And when they close the drugstore that we all used to hang out at, I hope you'll be there for the come down. Because I know I was never there for the high.

Respect

My question was: how do I kill vanity. How do I distract myself from vanity, from insecurities? How can I rid myself of these discomforts so I can get to the core of me, and without personal distraction get work done; listen to anyone for once. And this I did ask you. You answered my question with a question and gave me a book about the east, I was amused with you're pretension. So I read you're book and did some traveling, I put my fingers in some interesting places. And now I realize what I was really trying to ask. And what I was asking was the answer to my peace. And I'm ashamed. Realizing this, I don't want your answer or anybodies, nor do I care for; not yet. So you were right when you said I didn't know what I was trying to figure out. And in trying to find the correct question I found myself more removed. I enjoy my confusion, and the confusion of my community. And it hurts most of the time, but I'll live in it without pride until it hurts too much. So lets take peace off the table, and I like my self-doubt, I also like hers tonight.There was a time in my life when a man told me he'd tell on me if I tried to steal a candy bar, he made sense so I put it back. I'll ask more questions later.